Letters to Rob

On Wednesday, February 21st, my beautiful son Robert would have turned 22 years’ old. Each year I write him a letter. Writing is a tool that helps me to express my feelings and also helps me to heal. I have promised to be open, honest and vulnerable about my journey of losing a child. My hope is that it also helps others who are going through hard times. I want people to know that they can survive, that they can … Read More

Dear Rob, Tomorrow it will be three years since I lost you. So much continues to change since you’ve been gone. I have realized that this constant change is inevitable, until every piece of my life is in the place it needs to be. It’s a death of self; who and what I thought I was is all but a “used to be.” I decided that I would be completely open with my letters and writings to you. Not only … Read More

….. is filled with what used to be, what I knew to be and is now the space within me I move throughout this space, existing simultaneously in between the day before and the day after you died The gifts that were given to me through your death help to solidify the space, attempt to fill the void and bridge the gap that separates our souls There is no love that compares to a Mother’s love for her child, and … Read More

I have had several people ask me how my holidays were and how I am doing….. Holidays and life after Rob…… This year was especially difficult for me. I am learning so much about loss as time goes by. It may sound strange to some people, but this year was the hardest yet. I think it was harder because it’s been even longer since I have seen my child; too long! Also, I have been rudely awakened from my numbed … Read More

If you ever wonder if I want to give up, the answer is YES! Today has been one of those days. I can’t find my way out. I keep thinking that I don’t want to have to live this way; not one more day. Only the people who have known deep loss can understand life after loss. Is it even life? Sometimes it’s not. No matter what the day brings, including joy and laughter, there is always a hole. A … Read More

Every day, I have to make a conscious decision; to find peace and happiness even though half of my heart has been ripped out. And… even though I feel such indescribable pain, I also feel incredible peace, gratitude, strength, and fulfillment. My daughter Leah has blown me away. She has such grace, strength, resiliency, and a light shines around her constantly. I am in awe of her ability, to not just push through, but her amazing drive to be her … Read More

My daughter asked me how to answer a question on a college application she was filling out…. “Mom, the question is, how many siblings do I have? How do I answer this?” We both sat there stumped. Such a simple question, yet we didn’t know how to answer it. So much of my life is like that now. Who am I, and where is my place in this new life. When you lose a child, you lose everything that was. … Read More

I am very sentimental as the race approaches. I started this fund nine months ago. It was an idea that to try and turn grief into something positive that could help others. I had no idea that it would also help to save me. My world, as I knew it, stopped the day that Robert died. I didn’t know how I would ever survive. Through it all, I have been surrounded by such incredible love. I have learned so much … Read More