Happy Birthday. This year you would have been 23 year’s old. It marks the 5th birthday that we celebrate without you. As I always say…. in some ways it gets harder with each passing year because it is that much longer since I have seen you.
I think about your last day here; we spent the day together at Leah’s cross country meet. You promised to buy your sister her favorite Michael Kor’s watch if she won for Century. You were in such a good mood that day, and as always, you had us all cracking up. Well, Leah did win, and you did buy her the watch. We used your last paycheck that came in to buy it for her.
I remember that night…… something told me that something wasn’t right, but I ignored it. I said goodnight and I love you, never realizing it would be the last time I would talk to you. I remember the next morning…. hearing that snore coming from your room, and I brushed it off.
I tell myself that I can’t go back in time, and that I did the best that I could with what I knew at the time. Instead, I try use these and many more experiences as learning tools to help others and try to prevent this from happening to other families.
I always talk about the gifts that you have given to me through your death; the gifts of love, strength, understanding, purpose and wisdom. Before you died, my life was a mess. I was lost and searching for an escape from the constant state of chaos within our family.
I spent so much of your life trying to save you, and I couldn’t see that all along you were saving me. I hate it and I thank you for it, and I will not waste it!
I will continue to honor your life and your death by doing all that I can to help others. I am so proud of you Robert. You will never be forgotten and you are loved unconditionally. Until we see each other again… I love you more.