Dear Robert,
Tomorrow, you would be turning 26 years old. Every time that I say that out loud, I tear up. I think how young you would still be and how much life you have missed. So many great things happen between the ages of 18 and 26, and you aren’t here to experience any of them. It makes me so sad to think of the memories we would have had with you, where you would be in your life, and how much my whole being misses you.
You and I were so connected. You could walk through the door, and you would immediately know if something was wrong. That always amazed me. No matter how upset you were with me, you would still hold doors open for me. And, anytime you would go away, you would come back with candy buttons, a candy necklace, and red licorice. I would put them in the drawer next to my bed, and I would occasionally allow myself to eat them 😊
I miss you so much Robert. I also really miss me. And, although I am a better person now, I find myself missing pieces of the old me. A lot of times, I feel myself living on the outside of the world. I look in, I remember what it used to feel like, yet I know I no longer exist there. It is a state of being that is impossible to describe.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I always seek, and I always find the gifts of my pain. Robert, your death has birthed life for so many people. It continues to give hope, love, acceptance, and it has changed the way that people look at addiction. More importantly, it has changed the way that people understand recovery. Robert, your death has taught me the precious gift of creating purpose from pain, and it has transformed me into the person that I am today.
I have been waiting to announce your birthday present this year…
Rising Above Addiction is in the process of searching for a new recovery house. We are so often in the trenches of addiction and crisis. I want to also celebrate the successes of recovery. Many of our girls do amazing at the sober houses. When they are ready to go out on their own, it can be scary and overwhelming. I want to provide these women with a safe and loving place to move to, a place to call home and a place where they can live their lives on their terms. The new house will only have a few rules… don’t use, pay your bills, and treat the house and your roommates with love and respect. I am so excited to start this new venture!
The house will be named after three beautiful and amazing women. As always, I will use their initials. These women are family to me, and I would not be where I am today without them. Brittney, Morgana, and Sarah, I love you all so much. I could never give to you three what you have given to me 💗💗💗
The new house will be named, Becoming My Self.
Robert, please continue to guide me on this journey of helping others, continue to help me be the best version of myself, continue to bring wonderful people into my life, and please continue stay close to my heart.
Happy 26th Birthday!
For You, Because of You and In Memory of You
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