Finding My Way

posted in: Letters to Rob | 0

My daughter asked me how to answer a question on a college application she was filling out…. “Mom, the question is, how many siblings do I have? How do I answer this?”

We both sat there stumped. Such a simple question, yet we didn’t know how to answer it.

So much of my life is like that now. Who am I, and where is my place in this new life.

When you lose a child, you lose everything that was. Without asking, you are thrust into a completely new existence; forced to participate in a journey that you never decided to take. None the less you are on this new path and you are faced with two decisions; give up or fight like hell!

If you decide to fight, the journey is excruciatingly painful, and simultaneously, beautiful and profoundly spiritual.

I made the decision to fight. It is a choice I have to make every day, and some days I want to quit. That is the raw truth; nobody can be strong all of the time. However, it is in these moments of doubt that my strongest self emerges; when I make it through the times that seem impossible.

In parallel with grief there is magnificent growth and knowledge beyond comprehension. There is deep understanding to all things that truly matter and new found ability to let go of things that don’t.

On September 14th, it will be two years since my beautiful son Robert died. I miss him more than words can describe….

Thank you Robert for helping me to become the person that I am today. It is because of you that I am profoundly different. It is because of you that I understand life on a deeper and more meaningful level. It is because of you that I have incredible strength and endurance. It is because of you that I choose life.

I miss you my sweet baby, and I love you ❤️MORE than the spoken word..

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